I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
