i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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