You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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