I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
