Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
