if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
