You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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