i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
