AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
porn star boner night. come get it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
