I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
