If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
ok first of all what the fuck
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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