I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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