I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
