I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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