It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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