I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
