I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
