So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
