Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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