Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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