if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
why didn't you poke me back
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
