Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
