No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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