At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
