Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
