I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
