and she was petting her beer can
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We're too hungover to prance.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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