if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You ate ashes out of my bong
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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