I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
