put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
