Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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