The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
