I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
