i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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