You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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