You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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