Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
