i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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