forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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