Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Blood and glitter go together right?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
