I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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