oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
