Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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