you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
