Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
