I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
