he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
