Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Say something about gay babies.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My vagina just recognized that song.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
