plz talk dirty to me
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
