Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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