what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
