he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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