i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
