Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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