He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
