Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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