nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
