I bet he comes in French.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
