I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
