i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
