I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
