I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Success! We fucked roommates!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize