u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize