There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
