Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
