cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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