Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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