a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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