all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
